Close to home

Yesterday I received news that both broke my heart and made my love for Greyson grow even more.  A little guy I'd been seeing for a couple months, who was born a week before Grey passed away last week.  Mom went in to check on him and he wasn't breathing.   They did CPR but he didn't make it.   This is the first client I've lost and with him being so close in age to Greyson, it makes it so hard.  When I first picked him up I thought "this will be interesting to see a child with delays growing up the same time as my little one" and he was really doing so well too! I didn't expect to see him longterm.  I know in my profession - working with kids that have complex medical conditions - this is bound to happen but I was just so shocked with this little guy.  I found out about the funeral today about 30 minutes before it started and cancelled my appointments to go.  I wanted to be there to support mom, especially knowing she doesn't have a huge support system.  It was a really tough funeral and I couldn't help but cry.  I've also been questioning myself (which I know I shouldn't do, but it's pretty impossible).  Did I miss something? A red flag?? Anyway, I feel pretty emotional - my heart and prayers are with this mom and her family, I can't even imagine loosing my baby :(

The BIG scare

I cannot quite describe the absolute fear I felt Friday night.  About midnight, I hear Stephen ask me "Is that the SIDS monitor?" I was so tired that I hadn't even heard it and probably wouldn't have waken up for at least another few minutes.  I was scared of what I would find when I went into Greyson's room but that didn't slow me down.  Within 1/2 a second I answered yes and was out of bed.  Stephen said I was out the bedroom door before his foot could even touch the ground, must be my quick "momma instincts".  I turned the light on and looked in the crib to a sweetly sleeping baby it seemed and started to shake Greyson to wake him up.  I was yelling at him really loud and about this time Stephen joined me at the crib.  It was absolute relief when I heard him cry but the whole ordeal kept me up for another hour.  All I could do was praise God that my baby was alive and well! I'm not sure if it was a false alarm or if he had really stopped breathing (the alarm goes off after 20 seconds of not detecting any breathing) but that didn't make it any less serious or scary.  

In other news, I've been attacked by wildlife lately.  A bird has taken residence in my hanging flower basket and I'm pretty sure has laid a nest as well.  Every time I water the basket she startles me by flying out of the basket then sits in the tree squawking at me!  I have mixed emotions about the whole thing.  I don't want to hurt her and her babies, but I sure wish she hadn't laid her nest in my pretty flowers! 

Anyway, VBS starts tonight and it's gearing up to be a very busy week for us.  My mom is so wonderful to help with Greyson in the evenings though.  She's going to bring him home and put him to bed at a reasonable time since I'm doing music...  - So I'm really enjoying the peace and quiet of a clean home and sleeping baby! 

Mouthing

Greyson has been putting everything in his mouth lately, I mean everything! His hands, my hands, blankets, toys, his carseat, really anything he can get to... Tonight I decided to take his 4 month pictures, but he wasn't so interested in smiling, just his hands.

Growing into a parent

I feel as if I've been officially welcomed into parenthood.  (especially since it's taken me 3 days to write this post!) Yesterday Stephen got home and I was so happy to have him back! He went up to Lincoln, Nebraska to do a two guys and the word event at campmeeting, I know he had a blast... it's the ministry he loves to do most!  But I cannot explain how good it is to have him back.  While he was gone we had some pretty nasty storms come through.  Since the Moore tornadoes a couple weeks ago I am reminded of the potential diaster and loss which made these so much more scary! Thursday night they hit Broken Arrow just a couple miles from us and damaged homes.  I've never been one to be scared of tornadoes or hide in the tub but when they said "south broken arrow", "funnel on the ground", and "91st street" the protective parent side of me came out my sis and I ran to the bathroom with Greyson to take shelter.  The storms were supposed to continue Friday night and be pretty bad but in Tulsa we just had rain and thunderstorms.  Saturday night I really felt like a parent.  Greyson and I went to spend time with some friends but about 7:00 he was getting fussy and I knew I had to get him to bed so that was the end of our Saturday night!

Today Greyson is 4 months old and I cannot believe how time flys.  Now that I have a baby, I think my life has kicked into super speed but I absolutely love it.  I love my husband and baby, my job, and the great family and friends we have in Tulsa.  I know we won't always live here which makes me really sad, but in the meantime I'm really enjoying it.  Greyson is so sweet and smiles so much, it just makes me day to see him so happy.  Unfortunately I think teething is upon us.  This morning Greyson was fussy and he's been putting everything in his mouth lately.  I was trying to put him down for a nap and he just would not stop crying so I tried a teething tablet and he immediately stopped crying.  Say a prayer for us!

Before I had Greyson a colleague told me that being a parent would give me a lot of "credit" with families I work with and I have found it to be true.  Last week I met with a new family and the mom was telling me about her daughter's birth history, labor and delivery.  Mom (a small petite young girl - about my age it think) wasn't progressing so they kept increasing the medication which was not working and the baby went into distress.  A few hours later she was born but now has mild cerebral palsy affecting her left side.  I couldn't believe it but I actually started tearing up when she told me this and I just got so emotional thinking about Greyson and what could have been.  It made me realize that maybe it was a blessing that he was breech and we had to do a c-section... there may have been so many complications of a vaginal delivery since I'm pretty small too.  So I'm thinking I may just go with the c-section next time around too but I won't have to worry about that for awhile.

Well I'm going to do a little cooking before Grey wakes up which should be pretty soon I think!